I was in the Twilight Zone!

Where am I? .... Is.... is that you? Am I really back? Thank God!

I have no idea where I've been the last three weeks. It was sort of like Fringe... same world, different reality. I still sort of feel like I'm there except I remember I have a blog.

Can't figure out what is going with me. I want to do things but just can't seem to get moving. Things have changed at home now that Mom is with me and I am having a tough time trying to get back to a schedule that works for me. I need to reorganize the condo so I can get some personal space back. Just don't know where I belong or how to make this new life work. I'm lost.

It's bad enough being lost but why is it that we allow our families to control how we feel when we are weak? My family (siblings specifically) is a normal family. We have all the normal issues every family has and in a lot of respects, I think I'm lucky with the family I have. But there are times when others speak of their families and no matter how "disfunctional" people say their families are, they all talk about the support they get from their families. Mine lacks that. Why is it that no one can just say congratulations or good job or even just keep their mouth shut instead of critizing any action I do. My entire life I have tried to gain acceptance from my brothers and sister and this weekend I finally gave up. After 45 years, no one is going to change so I have to be the one who does.

I started thinking about what I need to do to get myself to where I want to be. Tomorrow the plan begins. Screw those who think I can't do anything myself. I will show them that I can change and be better and healthier than anyone in my family. I will be the one that is healthy when I'm 80 while my brothers and sister are dealing with Alzheimers, type 2 Diabetes, joint problems and obesity. And I will feel good knowing that I tried to help them but they were the ones who said no.

God, help me to be strong, get healthy, and live the life I want. Amen!

what's up with the gain?

Over the past week I have gained a little each day, even my waist and hip measurements have gone up slightly. Don't you just hate weeks like that. One thing I learned from all those years at Weight Watchers is that what happens this week may not be a direct relation to what I did this week. Sometimes the damage is a result of what I did or didn't do a couple of weeks ago.

Good thing the weather is good because that is what is keeping me positive at this point. And lets be honest, I'm not as good with watching what I eat as I pretend to be. One big problem is that lately I've been eating dinner around 8pm which is pretty late for me.

I was reading yesterday's Gloucester Times this morning and saw that RUN GLOUCESTER, a new 7 mile road race, is having it's first run this August. It made me think that since I'm feeling better, I need to start the C25K again. With my new knowledge of hydrating WHILE working out and added protein, maybe I can get further along with the program. I'm not saying that I'm running in the RUN GLOUCESTER, at least not this year but I have always dreamt about running a road race. I would like to say I ran at least one road race before I die.

Had coffee with the girls yesterday. My schedule has been a little crazy lately so I haven't seen them for a while. A couple of them were talking about getting thier bikes out and start riding now that the nice weather is here. They invited me along. I told them to give me another month to continue to build up my strength and endurance. That lines up with when my strenght training will end. CONFESSION: I bought a bike about 5-6 years ago and have never riden it. It's in the storage unit and everytime I see it I think, this year I'm going to get it out. Now I need to pull it out, check it over and do some maintainence to make sure it's in running condition. Maybe I'll even go for a quick ride before joining the girls, just to make sure I can do it. My fear is that with all the hills in Gloucester, I won't be able to get anywhere because I won't be able to make it up the hills.

As with all my fears lately, I just need to face them and figure out how to conquer. As long as I keep moving and eating healthier I should see improvement sooner or later.

small changes... HUGE DIFFERENCE

Well, last time I was off to get me a big ol' steak. I ended up eating about a pound... that's right a POUND, 16 OUNCES of steak tips. That was Wednesday night and I feel grrrrreat.

After surfing the web and looking at a million different sites about how much protien I need, I found that I was lacking by a LOT. Correction, the new me was lacking, the old couch potato me was right on target. As the exercise was increasing I was getting more and more tired because I was't fueling my body with the right things. Thursday I started tracking my protein intake to make sure I get enough. One problem that I see is that the increase in protein means an increase in calories as well. This worries me so I think I may try some Energizing Soy Protein. It's a powder and unflavored so I can add it to whatever I'm cooking. It's approximately 80 calories per 16 grams of protein so not too bad. It will be here in about a week so once I try it out, I'll let know what I think.

The other small change is how I drink water. I was drinking it (approx 36 ounces) after I worked out on my ride home. It takes about a hour and drinking it in the car gives me something to do. It also, I just found out, gives me enough time to get home before the bladder explosion. If traffic was stop and go, I'd be falling a sleep while driving... never a good thing. Once home, I was exhausted and just wanted to take a nap.

Wednesday I started drinking performance (electrolyte replacement) while working out. I only use one serving and just keep adding water. I drank about 30 ounces of water/performance and felt pretty damn good once I was done. Traffic was horrible and it took a little over an hour and half to get home but I was wide awake. The one draw back to drinking water while working out is that the bladder is ready to explode LONG before I make it home. Good thing for Chinese Restaurants because that is where I pulled in and wiggled my way to the skirt lady... just barely made it... phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

All in all, I am feeling great because of these two little changes, more protein and replacing my electrolytes while I exercise. We all need to remember that everybody is different. If you're not feeling like you think you should then figure out why. Your body wants to feel good so if it's not then it's telling you that something is wrong and needs to change. Most of the time, small changes will make a huge difference. Learn to listen to your body. And of course, check with your Doctor just to make sure there isn't anything more serious that needs to be attended to.

It's amazing how much I'm learning on my adventure. Sure it's hard work sometimes but it's definitely worth it when you start feeling like you can do anything!

The missing link

Throughout my weight loss adventure, I have listened to, spoken with, and read about people who are experts in nutrition and exercise. The main points are always portion control and moving your body. I'm doing ok with the moving my body. Well, by OK I mean I started a program 3 days a week and I have stuck with it for a month a half now. I know I should be doing more but I just can't seem to get up enough energy. I started the C25K but after a week I was exhausted and had nothing left.

So now I'm looking at my portion control. Yes, with the added exercise I am hungry so I've been eating more. My portions are ok but I'm having lots of little portions and I'm just not losing or getting any more energy. My water consumption has increased to the point that I'm always looking for the dress lady so that's not it either.

Then it occurred to me, maybe I need to adjust WHAT I'm eating... could this be the missing link that will help me get my energy back? Do I need to add some electrolytes since I look as if I went for swim in my clothes after working out? Maybe I need more protein?

Most reputable diet plans tell you that you need a balance diet which includes, protein, carbs, and fats. I understand that part but how do I know how much of what I really need and from what kind of sources? The general guidelines were great for getting started but now I feel as though I need to start tweeking things a little. I feel like a I really need to increase my protein a bit but I don't know if it matters what kind of protein. I know my body loves red meat but would fish or chicken or a vegetable protein have the same affects?

I remember watching the Biggest Loser one night. They were at the US Olympic training site. The part that amazed me was when the chefs were talking about the different types of food that the different athletes ate. Some were high in carbs, other were high in protein, it all depended on what the body needed for each specific sport. It's makes sense, but I never thought of it before.

My body is definitely changing with the strength training that I'm doing and I'm wondering if I need more protein in my diet to make more muscle in my body? Maybe I need to get some more info. Could getting my energy back be something as simple as giving my body the right fuel so it can continue to build more muscle? Can my body be using energy meant for something else to build this muscle? I definitely need to do a little research on this.

I'll get back to you and let you know what I find out. Until then, I think I may have a nice juicy steak for dinner and see how I feel tomorrow.

Taxes and weight loss?

Never thought those two would be connected but they are. Here it is, May 10th and I am once again last minute with my taxes. Certain counties in MA recieved an extension until May 11th or 12th (don't really remember) so of course, I delayed doing mine. I have to admit, I love TurboTax software. Doing taxes with the software is actually pretty easy, it's the prep work that stinks! Just like weight loss, you need to plan and prep. If you prep some healthy snacks, it saves you from grabbing that goey, messy, sugarary, fattening filled goodie.

Last minute Annie, that's me. I keep saying I want to get more organized but I don't think I know how to. At least not on a consistant basis. Are you one, or have you ever heard of those people who take one day a week and cook their meals for the week? How cool would that be to come home after a long day, pull something out of the fridge and just heat it up. Wouldn't everyone love that? No more pouring cereal in the bowl with the milk because you're just too tired to make anything better. I can't tell you how many peanut butter sandwiches I've had for dinner or my all time favorite... A PINT OF ICE CREAM! I know, I know, not the best or even in the top 10 best choices but it happens.

Maybe I'll start small and deal with prepping snacks for easy grabbing. I brought a bag of pretzels with me last week to work. I actually thought I could portion them out and be good. I did portion them out correctly, I just did it several times in one day. Obviously I'm not very good with self control. This week, I'll put them in little baggies and only take one to work with me. That way, I'll only be able to eat one portion. Once I get that conquered, I'll try doing a few meals... maybe.

Facebook link

I logged into Facebook, quietly clicked on my profile, then edit and secretly added this blog web address to my websites. Shhhhhh... I told myself that I needed to link the two by May 1st. It's a little later than that but close enough. A little too scared to tell anyone about it so we'll see if anyone notices it and checks it out. One of these days I'll be more public about my journey in hopes that it will help others who deal with the same issues I have all my life.

Shoots and ...... misses!

Last Saturday was my third day of week 1 for the C25K. I bet you're wondering what happened, how I did... Well, I didn't. You know those stomach issues I was having, well, I just couldn't seem to brush it off and it continued to bother me for the past week. I decided to concentrate on the strength training this week and attempt the C25K again next week.

A little about C25K. A read an article in the Gloucester Daily Times about a friend who just ran the Boston Marathon for the first time and was starting a Couch to 5K program at the local Y. It sounded really cool. Then I was reading Jack Sh*t's Gettin Fit Blog http://jackfit.blogspot.com/ and he was posting about the C25K program. Then I started looking up more info and it sounded really cool. It's a program designed for non-runners to be able to run a 5K in about 9 weeks. There are even free IPod downloads to keep you on track. I am trying it out at home on the treadmill because me running down the boulevard is not something anyone wants to see... Believe me! There are way to many sights down there can blind a person and I don't want to be the cause of someone going blind!

Since I wasn't feeling well, I decided to start a journal. It contains everything I eat during the day including my vitamins and supplements, how I'm feeling, what time I wake up and go to sleep and stuff I've done during the day. Hopefully this will help me figure out what is triggering the mood swings, bloating, gas, irritability... I know, it does seem obvious. That's what I thought too but its just not lining up. Who knows, maybe its perimenopause and I just don't know it. I'll figure it out one of these days. I'm hoping my writing down my thoughts it may help my blogging. Most of the posts seem a bit boring. I'll try better, promise.