Confession of a coffee-aholic

Now that I'm exercising 6 days a week, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. But there is one item that I have been in denial about for a very, very long time... coffee. I say I only drink 2 cups a day. Of course I don't mention that those two cups are actually travel mugs that hold 16 oz. I make half a pot (6 cups according the coffee machine) of coffee (30 oz of water) every morning. Yes, I know, that is actually a lot more than my 2 cups. I really like to sit and watch the news while I drink my coffee and eat my peanut butter chocolate chip meal bar. What could be better than starting your day with coffee, peanut butter, and chocolate... YUM!

The last few mornings my stomach has been acting up... all you coffee drinkers know what I mean, the indegestion and running for the bathroom. I'm thinking it's my body telling me that I'm contradicting my exercise with all that unwanted and unneeded caffiene. So starting tomorrow, I'll be making half the amount of coffee, one travel mug, or 3 cups, or 15 oz of water however you want to state it and replacing the second cup of coffee with herbal tea. I actually like herbal tea, no calories, no sweetners, no coffiene, just water, herbs, and flowers. We'll see how that goes and maybe someday I can get off the coffee all together.

An interesting fact about coffee, it actually makes you hungry. Not sure how but I do remember learning that drinking coffee can make you feel hungry which in turn makes you want to eat more. Maybe that is why I seem to want to eat so much in the mornings. Some mornings I can't seem to satisfy the need to eat. Notice I didn't say satisfy the hunger. I'm not hungry, I just have a need to eat. Of course that could be a result of some underlying phsycological issue... nay, I just like the sensation of eating.

I need to go back and check the last couple of postings. I can't remember if I told you about the Couch to 5K (C25K)program that I started this week. Tomorrow will be the completion of the first week. I'll explain more about it in the post.

the scale vs the measuring tape

So, I've been strength training for 3 weeks now and the scale is still sitting on the same number it was when I first started training. Even though intellectually I understand that the weight loss program I am on combined with the strength training is building muscle while I'm losing fat, I STILL WAIT THE SCALE TO GO DOWN!!!!

Ok, thank-you for letting me get that off my chest. I am losing fat, this I know because I can actually pull my jeans off without unbuttoning or unzipping. Aside: having the jeans get bigger is great, but why can't I fit into the next size already? I'm going to look like some punk kid soon with the crouch down around my knees if I don't fit into the next size soon!!! end aside...

Since the grocery bags are getting lighter, I know my strength is increasing and I can now reach places on my back I never could so my flexability is getting better as well. All this is great but I STILL WANT THE SCALE TO GO DOWN!!!!

I know the weight number will eventually go down but with how obese I am, I would think the number would have gone down a little bit by now. There is such conflict in my head. The fact that my waist and hip measurements have gone down and the fact that my clothes are getting bigger are all things I try to concentrate on. Never before did I realize how important it is to take your measurements. It really is like a safety net so if the scale doesn't move, you can check the tape measure for a more accurate accounting of how you're doing.

I love the strength training. I am finally getting to the point where I am fatiguing my muscles. It's actually pretty cool, we use nautalus machines which means I'm sitting down for all the exercises... what could be better than that! We do 8-12 reps for each exercise for a 6 counts (2sec, 4sec) and we are suppose to fatigue the muscle in 60-90 seconds (this is why it's only 8-12 reps). It's amazing that this little work really works and strenghthens the muscles. The more muscle I can build, the faster my metabolism will be and the faster I burn calories.

If anyone hasn't tried strength training, you really should give it a try. It's fairly easy, quick and the results are amazing.

Annie lost her Groove

Last week I was in a definite funk. I don't know if it was the weather, something I ate, something someone said,... who knows. I didn't feel good, I was tired, blah and just wanted to eat all things unhealthy. I went to exercise class last Friday and was so tired that I really didn't want to be there. I went and did my work out, had a meeting at Panera. Not a good place for a meeting because I ended up eating a sandwich that I really didn't need and really wasn't hungry for. Got home and was exhausted.

This went on for about a week. If it weren't for a great group of ladies that I share a conference call with, I may still be looking for my groove. We talk once a week on Tuesday nights. We are a group of women all participating in the same weight loss program. Tuesday night we talk about how the week went, any issues or problems anyone had, sometimes we talk about new goals people have set or new recipes. What we talk about isn't important, it's more about a group of people all trying to support one another. I think that call helped me to get my mind clear again.

I may never know what triggered this funk but I am hoping to be more aware the next time it happens. Once I realize that I'm heading that way again, I need to record what is going on, what I'm eating, the weather, time of year, what conversations and people have I been around. i honestly don't know at this point if it was a specific thing or maybe a couple of things that happened at the same time. For all I know, I may go through this every Spring. I don't mind being in a funk, it happens to everyone, I just want to be aware so that I can get out of it as soon as possible. My biggest concern with this is that it goes on for weeks and ruins months of hard work.

I found my groove this week, thankfully! I definitely feel a shift is happening. Difficult to explain but I feel as though I am going through some sort of transition that will bring me to a better understanding. Understanding of what, I'm not sure... should be interesting.

exhileration or tiredness

Hello All!

I feel great today! Went to exercise class and increased all the weights except for the ABOMINATOR (I'll be discussing this horrible machine later). I went on the recumbant bike for 17 minutes and was sweating pretty good by the time I left. Since muscle recovery is important after working out, I drank my protein drink in the car along with a 20oz bottle of water. As you can see, I was thirsty! Rolled the windows down and drove to work. Such a beautiful day and lots of fresh air.

Make it to the office, sit down and I was ready for a nap...lol. It's amazing how quickly things can change. Did some work, took an energy chew and I felt great again. Almost wished I was home so I could have done the treadmill. Felt really good teaching class then home and I still had energy. Did all the normal stuff, walked the dog, fed him and the cats, made dinner for Mom and I and then sat down to watch a little TV. I'm getting tired but a good tired. I just can't get over how good I feel overall since I started exercising.

So, the ABOMINATOR, it's a crunch machine. A crunch as is the exercise that really works your abs. I started a couple of days ago at 10 pounds (the lowest weight) and I'm still there. The first day I barely got 12 done and my form was horrible. Today was the third day I'be been doing them and I think I'm doing much better. Completed the 12 with good form. I think I'm better off leaving it at the 10 pounds for another class or two before moving it up to 15 pounds. I feel like a weakling when I do this machine, especially when I see a couple of women about 20 years older than I am and they are doing more weight than I am. I'll get there, I just need to keep at it.

Everything went well today, no cravings, no closet eating, just a really good day. I know not everyday will be like this but at least when i have a bad day, I can remember this day and know that everything can go well.

Ruby

I weighed in yesterday, my usual day and was the same weight as Friday. A part of me was hoping that I would lose another 0.6 lbs just so I could get below 236 but that didn't happen. Unrealistic to expect that in one day but I was still hoping and still had a bit of disappointment. As long as the numbers keep going down from weigh in date to weigh in date, I'll be happy.

So tonight, I'm flipping through the stations and see Ruby is on. Don't know if you have ever watched the show. It's about a woman who weighed over 700 lbs and has lost over 300lbs. She is speaking with friends more about what she was like with food and how her addiction with food affected her life. I may not be as overweight as Ruby but I definitely shared some of the same thoughts and feelings. Unlike Ruby, I knew what I did wasn't normal but that didn't stop me from continueing to eat. It also made me look at what I am doing now.

My Mother has been living with me since the beginning of the year. I've lived by myself for about 15 years so it's been tough at times having someone else living here. I find when something happens and I get upset I go to food (I've mentioned this before and realize it's something I need to work on). I'm finding an old habit that I had forgotten about is lurking its ugly head again... closet eating. I used to hide my junk food habits a long time ago when I lived with other people. I find I'm starting it again and it worries me. Glad that I'm noticing it early but still worried that I need to get control of it now before I sabotage my weight loss efforts. It's one thing to want junk food or to have a second helping, but it's bad when I'm standing in the corner of the kitchen where my mother can't see me and I'm shoving food in my mouth.

My goal this week is NO CLOSET eating.

The numbers

Finished exercise class today and was feeling really good that I completed the first week and then reality slapped me in the face. Rita said, let's go upstairs and get your measurements...aauuuuggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Why ruin a good week, can't she just let me live in my fantasy land until Monday? So we go upstairs, literally, up the stairs (what else would you expect from an exercise physiologist?) into the office and I sit down. I'm trying to relax, they are just numbers. I know they are going to be horrible, that's why I'm here. I weighed in at 236.8lbs and 33.25% body fat.

I've been looking at the numbers on the scale for a long time so the weight wasn't a big deal, but the body fat... Never had my composition done before and the 33.25% really slapped me in the face that I am obese and really need to lose weight, build muscle and get healthy.

Tomorrow is my usual weigh in day so I'll get on the scale again, even though I recorded it today. For consistency, I'll stick with Saturday as my weigh in day.

I am finding that most cravings have disappeared. The only left is ice cream and that's because I really do enjoy a soft serve cone in the summer. This year, I'll be getting the kiddie cone instead of the pint!

Quincy College Adult Exercise Reseach

Remember yesterday, I was going to allow myself one dessert... yeah, we all know that didn't happen. I had two whoopie pies, some ice cream and a few mini candies. It reminded me of years ago when I was going to start a diet on Monday and ended up pigging out on Sunday. I'm sure some of you understand that need to eat everything in sight (and out of sight) because once you start the diet that was it, the world was going to end. Yesterday is over and done with and I'm moving on today.

Today was my first day of exercise class. The commute down wasn't bad, a few slow spots but overall good. The toughest part was finding a parking spot. I went in, stopping off at the ladies room first. I saw what I looked like in my sweatpants and sweatshirt and wanted to turn around and go home. I looked so frumpy. Out of the ladies room and off to class. I was the first one there. Once I opened the door I saw Rita's smiling face. Rita is my trainer.

After a bit of paperwork and some rules, Rita began showing me how to use the equipment. Very nice equipment, all new Nautilus One machines. I like how Rita designed the "at machine" stretching. You do the exercise then the stretch immediately after. There are three lines of equipment and we did one line today. Still trying to figure what I can do. I can't wait until the training is done and I can go in and go through the routine and feel as though I've done something. My legs were a bit like spaghetti when I got home.

My goal for this month is to lose 7-10 pounds and build up enough courage to link this to my Facebook page.

Lesson for today... who cares what people think, just do it and you'll feel better once it's done. Of course it helps knowing that everyone will eventually be looking at me and thinking, wow, she looks great!!!

Easter

Well, this past week has been tough. At the beginning of the week, I was suppose to get together with a friend but a better offer came up so she cancelled with me. It's happened a few times and really makes me feel as though she'll only get together if there is nothing better to do. So, since I was angry, what did I do... that's right, I ate. I really need to figure out how to overcome the emotional eating. I don't even enjoy what I'm eating but I still eat.

Visited with some family yesterday. We got there and they had already ordered Chinese food. It was delicious but I over ate and last night my body told me exactly what it thought of putting all that fried, greasy food into it. Not sure if this is correct but I look at it like this. If I ate greasy fried foods a lot then my body would be used to it. Since it didn't have a nice reaction, maybe I'm eating better than I thought and just need to cut back on a few things.

I also decided that in order to lose weight I really need to start exercising. I try at home, the treadmill, exercise tapes,... you know how it goes, you do it for a couple of days and as soon as you take a day off, that's it for weeks or maybe even months before you get back on. Well, this time I decided to join an exercise class. A friend is doing research at Quincy College and has a research exercise class for adults. Since I know her and know that she makes everyone feel comfortable and not ashamed of themselves, I decided to take part. Granted, it's a haul to go from Gloucester to Quincy three times a week but I will feel more accoutable to a friend than to a stranger. Classes start tomorrow. I'll let you all know how it goes. If you want to check it out, she has a facebook page about the program, http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/event.php?eid=352211584844

If you haven't guessed by now, I did gain a couple of pounds this week but I'm sure with the exercise starting, I'll be able to loose it quickly. The key is to stop the upward climb NOW and get back on track as soon as possible.

With that said, I'm heading down to my brother's for Easter. I am allowing myself to have dessert but only one. Wish me luck, and Happy Easter to all who celebrate it.